i am still convinced that i need this.

so the more i have thought about this swanky little bike, the more i am certain that this is not just an extravagant want, its a need. I am moving post graduation to the wonderful state of Oregon. people there embrace the world of biking in many ways, including day to day transportation. sadly, i dont have a car so biking would be quite practical for me. but then what happens when i need to grocery shop..? how on earth will i carry my bags? thats where this comes in handy..

fidgity.

i think that may be the best word to describe my tuesday. today was a sick day, on a day when my to-do list consisted of 21 important things. yet, even though i have next to no energy, every forty five minutes or so my body will allow a solid five minutes of productivity. and i am proud to say that i completed a whole 7 things from that list. thats one third, i'll take it. today has been full of netflix ADD, emailing, tea, and toast. toast that, in fact, was only made possible by my sweet boyfriend who surprised me at my front door with his toaster in one hand and a loaf of bread in the other. the day has also been filled with american pickers, my newest guilty pleasure. is there any chance of finding rusty gold in the backroads of riverside? doubtful, but one can dream. i somehow feel as though its mid november already, my mind is getting a little ahead of itself, but you see, im just so excited. this semester promises wonderful things, and i cant wait to journey through these next three months.

also..

here are some photos that make me smile, some old, some new.

a wonderful roommate who lets me call her silly nicknames

a family that i miss ever so dearly

& a friend who makes me laugh like nobody else

fearfully & wonderfully made

psalm 139 is an encouraging reminder of the Lord's greatest gift, allowing us to know Him. but still, he knows ME and he knows me because he has searched me. i was fearfully and wonderfully made, i cannot count the number of times i heard that growing up in church. and while i could never tire of being reminded of that beautiful truth, this morning i desired to dig deeper. what exactly does it mean to be fearfully and wonderfully made? it turns out that fearfully comes from the greek word yare' , a verb literally meaning, to cause astonishment and awe OR to inspire Godly fear or awe. We were made to bare the image of God, created to cause astonishment by our way of living and in turn inspire reverence toward our creator. but wonderfully didn't seem too difficult to comprehend. from simply reading the verse i assumed it to be synonymous with words like beautiful or flawless, but boy was i wrong. it has nothing to do with looks or our physical make up at all. rather, palah, the word originally used, means to be set apart or distinguished. verse 14 gained so much more depth and relevance for me this morning. being fearfully and wonderfully made has nothing to do with the fleeting condition of our physical bodies, but rather with the purpose we were created for. it matters not what we look like or what our current physical condition may be. for these things dont alter the ability to be an image barer of Christ and to ultimately carry out our purpose for being created and i thank God for that.

also...

psalm 139:23 is my constant prayer in times like these where my last year of college is already going by too fast and life as an adult approaches rather quickly. it is so bittersweet and my mind could be occupied for hours exploring possibilities. but instead of spending countless hours worrying, i can find rest in giving my anxious thoughts over to the Lord, trusting in His way above my own and confident that he knows me and in turn knows whats best.

september the first.

first day of the month.

first day of classes.

first day of my last year of college. holy moly that is unbelievable.

since august 9th i have been going, and going, and going and i'll be honest, im tired. i need rest, not just sleep or lack of busyness, but what i need is the peace that comes from knowing that my God is faithful and He is in control. im still incredibly encouraged by matthew 6:33-34. it serves as such a reassurance that God takes care of us. he knows my needs and he will meet them. not only does he want to meet them, but according to ephesians 20 he is able to give us "immeasurably more than ALL we could ask or imagine". this summer one of the biggest things i learned was how essential times of solitude were for me. in order to remain sane and to avoid trying to do things on my own, i must force myself to stop, be still, and keep quiet and listen. im actually quite good at listening when someone in sitting in front of me talking but im learning to tune my heart to the voice of my God and the leading of his holy spirit. in a lovely time of prayer and rejoicing with a few friends last week i was encouraged by a quote my sweet friend shared "the ear listens with curiosity but the heart listens with obedience" i am slowly but surely learning to listen with my heart. its tricky business.

even when im insanely exhausted, over sensitive, and borderline grumpy, i am amazed by the love i feel from those around me. i am so blessed by friends who encourage and show me the love of Christ through their words and actions alike.

also...

i dont think ive ever been happier. this handsome guy makes me smile this big quite often.

two weeks is the new two days.

i seem to have been neglecting to blog consistently lately. if im being honest, consistency isnt something that has been in my vocabulary at all since i've been back in california. instead the word has been replaced by others, such as, unpredictability, flexibility, and humility. it would only be appropriate to use crazy or tiring to appropriately sum up these past three weeks of being back on campus at CBU. still, the connotation of these words is of a surprisingly positive nature. my time so far is one of being stretched, taught, challenged and ultimately forced to draw near to my God. i have learned so much about love. loving when you're moving furniture in 106 degree heat, loving when you didn't get your ideal 8 hours of sleep the night prior, and still loving even when you cant find a seat in the caf because incoming freshmen have invaded campus. i have been so encouraged by those around me through their positivity, transparency & honesty, and affirming words. half of my residents have moved in and the remaining girls will be arriving tomorrow. im so looking forward to hearing each and every one of their unique and intricate stories, to hear about the journey the Lord has brought them through and getting to glimpse into where He is taking them. i find it such a privilege to be a part of these girls lives for the next nine months, to learn from them and with them.

the other morning i was able to have a delightful breakfast with two girls on my staff. i was so encouraged by our conversation about the word. a verse that is SO incredibly challenging in my walk is matthew 6:33, but somehow i forget the powerful verse that follows.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

matthew 6:34

also...

these are some pictures of my staff, up women 10-11. they are all such gorgeous women of God and i dearly love each and every one and appreciate greatly the ways that we are all so unique

busy little bee.

that is what ive been for the past two weeks.

week number one consisted of me saying 'see ya later' to bend, oregon.

it was so incredibly bittersweet.

week number two, this past week, has been busy and full of blessings.

i flew home saturday, spent time with my favorite guy and family, shopped for some essentials on sunday, and moved back into my on-campus apartment on monday. holy moly. talk about rushed, but i wouldnt have had it any other way. training has been challenging but so fun. i LOVE love love my staff and cant wait to start this new school year.

also...

here is a parade of pictures from our internship farewell banquet at a swanky restaurant on the rooftop of a building downtown.

oh wednesday.

im laying on my bedroom floor listening to this and thinking through the things i will get done today.

-call Financial Aid

[ because making sure i have financial clearance for the fall semester is pretty important ]

-GAP

[ because im currently addicted. but dont worry its just a return, or maybe an exchange if im feeling fancy ]

-make a trip to shevlin to collect rocks

[ because i fell in love with shevlin park and want something other than mosquito bites as my souvenir ]

-get flight details

[ because i fly home in 9 days ]

-write BOTH congo stories

[ because its almost august and mission kids will need a new child profile ]

-go through my bookmarks menu

[ because i have way to many random things saved there]

-maybe a skype date with this guy

[ because its been a few days ]

also..

i cant decide if nine days feels like too short of a time or if it feels like forever.

on my heart.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 139:23-24

my mind and my heart are full. the reality is, i have a lot to process through and with that comes the tendency to become anxious. i trust my God, and these next two weeks are going to require intentional time of being still & getting on my knees to pray.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."

Galatians 6:9-10

verse 9 has been something i've meditated on and kept close to my heart since last fall. it was encouragement and motivation through a time where i felt overwhelmed and weary. even though this season im in now is entirely different, i can still find rest in the promise of this scripture. these last two weeks of my internship i am choosing to really dig into verse 10. i am surrounded by incredible people who belong to the family of believers and with my big summer project done, what an awesome opportunity i have to put this into action.

also...

this is what i got to do on 'option day'

sparks lake. bend, oregon.

a few thoughts

before i attempt to fall asleep.

one: my body apparently takes sleep for granted these days.

two: tomorrow i will be embarking on round two of what has now become an annual white water rafting trip

three: i serve a faithful God

four: i need to stop purchasing things at garage sales. no matter how lovely, vintage, or reasonable priced they are.

five: i really want to sew something

also..

this video brings the biggest smile to my face every time i watch it. actually, every time i even think about it. yep.

ten days later.

and ten days closer to being back in california.

i only have seventeen days left with the beautiful city of bend, oregon.

i have never experienced something that better epitomizes the word bittersweet.

i have fallen in love with bend: the people who know the true meaning of community, the church that has shown me what a functioning body of Christ looks like and inspired me to focus on and utilize my God given strengths to glorify my creator, and the incredible display of Gods creation that is everywhere. in my eyes, everything about this place is desirable. except, of course, for the fact that it is missing everything i love about california.

this may very well be the most difficult and trying change ive ever encountered in my twenty-one years of life. this is big and quite a large piece of my heart is here in bend, with these people, this church and this place. with the friends i've made, projects ive devoted myself to like [this], and adventures ive embarked on, how could i expect it to be any different.

i know the Lord has a plan for my life, and it is far greater than i could even hope or imagine for myself. im excited to see how things unfold over this next year or so. and in the mean time, i can't wait to get back to the things i love.

i am positively ecstatic to return home to:

a family who supports me

friends who encourage me

a incredibly handsome guy who has more than exceeded every one of my expectations

a school year full of unique ministry opportunities

living in an apartment with three lovely ladies

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24

holiness.

we sing songs about holiness being what we long for and what we need.

but it is something we can and will never fully achieve.

even so we must live our life in pursuit of holiness.

its really hard for my mind to wrap around that.

And they were calling to one another:

"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;

the whole earth is full of his glory."

isaiah 6:3

the word holy in this passage comes from the Greek word קָדוֹשׁ, which literally means pure or clean.

it is only by the grace of God that i will ever be viewed that way. but all i know is that i can strive for holiness, with the knowledge that i'll fall short, and simply take it day by day.

something i was challenged with this morning was the difference between kindness and goodness. at a glance, they seem synonymous, but when you dig deeper, you see that even though you need one to have the other, they are quite different.

"kindness is a sincere desire for the happiness of others; goodness is the activity calculated to advance that happiness...kindness is the inner disposition and goodness is kindness is action"

-jerry bridges the fruitful life

also...

i dont know what im going to do a month from now without these kiddos and their water fights, tray nights, dance moves, and just plain silliness.

59 degrees.

these blue skies sure are deceiving

its way too cold for a boating day (plan one)

and not even warm enough for a day by the pool (plan two)

however, its perfect weather for a movie and a late lunch

(can you say happy hour price mediterranean plateee. YUM!)

im currently sitting outside with what seem like permanent goosebumps.

so worth it when it means i get to soak up time with these crazy kiddos.

i am completely exhausted today. my goodness. nothing a chai wont fix. tonight i get to hang out with the fam, eat yummy dinner, do some laundry, and sleep in my very own bed.

wednesday is proving to be a nice mid week refresher.

also...

i sent out some mail today.

its been more than a week since ive had time to devote to this little guy. not to say that i havent had any time at all, as a matter of fact i've had nothing BUT time. my moments have been filled with wonderful things, such as investing in new friendships, having spontaneous garage sale hunts, playing with some pretty cool kiddos, posing for a little photo shoot, and pouring into my summer project.

since being here in bend, ive heard a term that describes perfectly where i am at in life

sweet spot: being at a place in life where you are perfectly content, in who you are, what youre doing, where you're going, and what you have. all of these through and by the grace of God.

ladies and gentlemen, i am in my sweet spot.

i dont know of a time in my life where i have been so completely and wonderfully in awe of who my God is and the things He is doing in my life. He has given me life and love in abundant measures.

The family I am staying with has been such an encouragement in so many unique ways. Their family dynamics are an amazing example of what a family growing together and seeking the Lord should look like. Almost every night they share how they showed love that day and what they loved most about life. It is something I've now begun to share daily with someone whom I care about deeply, and I hope to continue the tradition.

also...

im really thankful for my dear friend whitney. she is part of my mentorship small group, shares a shift with me at the kilns, and has such sweet and genuine spirit. we have the opportunity to house/babysit this week. last night we watercolored until 1am. it was lovely and incredibly inspirational.

speaking of inspiration. i stumble upon some wonderful things every now and again. like this.

the epic weekend ahead.

includes

a trip to portland and then the oregon coast for some surf, fun, and beach time.

&

a trip to seattle with the high schoolers for some swell bonding time, lots of laughs, a mariners game, and the lovely pikes place.

cannot WAIT.

also...

these are just adorable. stationary makes me so excited.

(source)