fidgity.

i think that may be the best word to describe my tuesday. today was a sick day, on a day when my to-do list consisted of 21 important things. yet, even though i have next to no energy, every forty five minutes or so my body will allow a solid five minutes of productivity. and i am proud to say that i completed a whole 7 things from that list. thats one third, i'll take it. today has been full of netflix ADD, emailing, tea, and toast. toast that, in fact, was only made possible by my sweet boyfriend who surprised me at my front door with his toaster in one hand and a loaf of bread in the other. the day has also been filled with american pickers, my newest guilty pleasure. is there any chance of finding rusty gold in the backroads of riverside? doubtful, but one can dream. i somehow feel as though its mid november already, my mind is getting a little ahead of itself, but you see, im just so excited. this semester promises wonderful things, and i cant wait to journey through these next three months.

also..

here are some photos that make me smile, some old, some new.

a wonderful roommate who lets me call her silly nicknames

a family that i miss ever so dearly

& a friend who makes me laugh like nobody else

fearfully & wonderfully made

psalm 139 is an encouraging reminder of the Lord's greatest gift, allowing us to know Him. but still, he knows ME and he knows me because he has searched me. i was fearfully and wonderfully made, i cannot count the number of times i heard that growing up in church. and while i could never tire of being reminded of that beautiful truth, this morning i desired to dig deeper. what exactly does it mean to be fearfully and wonderfully made? it turns out that fearfully comes from the greek word yare' , a verb literally meaning, to cause astonishment and awe OR to inspire Godly fear or awe. We were made to bare the image of God, created to cause astonishment by our way of living and in turn inspire reverence toward our creator. but wonderfully didn't seem too difficult to comprehend. from simply reading the verse i assumed it to be synonymous with words like beautiful or flawless, but boy was i wrong. it has nothing to do with looks or our physical make up at all. rather, palah, the word originally used, means to be set apart or distinguished. verse 14 gained so much more depth and relevance for me this morning. being fearfully and wonderfully made has nothing to do with the fleeting condition of our physical bodies, but rather with the purpose we were created for. it matters not what we look like or what our current physical condition may be. for these things dont alter the ability to be an image barer of Christ and to ultimately carry out our purpose for being created and i thank God for that.

also...

psalm 139:23 is my constant prayer in times like these where my last year of college is already going by too fast and life as an adult approaches rather quickly. it is so bittersweet and my mind could be occupied for hours exploring possibilities. but instead of spending countless hours worrying, i can find rest in giving my anxious thoughts over to the Lord, trusting in His way above my own and confident that he knows me and in turn knows whats best.

september the first.

first day of the month.

first day of classes.

first day of my last year of college. holy moly that is unbelievable.

since august 9th i have been going, and going, and going and i'll be honest, im tired. i need rest, not just sleep or lack of busyness, but what i need is the peace that comes from knowing that my God is faithful and He is in control. im still incredibly encouraged by matthew 6:33-34. it serves as such a reassurance that God takes care of us. he knows my needs and he will meet them. not only does he want to meet them, but according to ephesians 20 he is able to give us "immeasurably more than ALL we could ask or imagine". this summer one of the biggest things i learned was how essential times of solitude were for me. in order to remain sane and to avoid trying to do things on my own, i must force myself to stop, be still, and keep quiet and listen. im actually quite good at listening when someone in sitting in front of me talking but im learning to tune my heart to the voice of my God and the leading of his holy spirit. in a lovely time of prayer and rejoicing with a few friends last week i was encouraged by a quote my sweet friend shared "the ear listens with curiosity but the heart listens with obedience" i am slowly but surely learning to listen with my heart. its tricky business.

even when im insanely exhausted, over sensitive, and borderline grumpy, i am amazed by the love i feel from those around me. i am so blessed by friends who encourage and show me the love of Christ through their words and actions alike.

also...

i dont think ive ever been happier. this handsome guy makes me smile this big quite often.

two weeks is the new two days.

i seem to have been neglecting to blog consistently lately. if im being honest, consistency isnt something that has been in my vocabulary at all since i've been back in california. instead the word has been replaced by others, such as, unpredictability, flexibility, and humility. it would only be appropriate to use crazy or tiring to appropriately sum up these past three weeks of being back on campus at CBU. still, the connotation of these words is of a surprisingly positive nature. my time so far is one of being stretched, taught, challenged and ultimately forced to draw near to my God. i have learned so much about love. loving when you're moving furniture in 106 degree heat, loving when you didn't get your ideal 8 hours of sleep the night prior, and still loving even when you cant find a seat in the caf because incoming freshmen have invaded campus. i have been so encouraged by those around me through their positivity, transparency & honesty, and affirming words. half of my residents have moved in and the remaining girls will be arriving tomorrow. im so looking forward to hearing each and every one of their unique and intricate stories, to hear about the journey the Lord has brought them through and getting to glimpse into where He is taking them. i find it such a privilege to be a part of these girls lives for the next nine months, to learn from them and with them.

the other morning i was able to have a delightful breakfast with two girls on my staff. i was so encouraged by our conversation about the word. a verse that is SO incredibly challenging in my walk is matthew 6:33, but somehow i forget the powerful verse that follows.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

matthew 6:34

also...

these are some pictures of my staff, up women 10-11. they are all such gorgeous women of God and i dearly love each and every one and appreciate greatly the ways that we are all so unique

busy little bee.

that is what ive been for the past two weeks.

week number one consisted of me saying 'see ya later' to bend, oregon.

it was so incredibly bittersweet.

week number two, this past week, has been busy and full of blessings.

i flew home saturday, spent time with my favorite guy and family, shopped for some essentials on sunday, and moved back into my on-campus apartment on monday. holy moly. talk about rushed, but i wouldnt have had it any other way. training has been challenging but so fun. i LOVE love love my staff and cant wait to start this new school year.

also...

here is a parade of pictures from our internship farewell banquet at a swanky restaurant on the rooftop of a building downtown.

oh wednesday.

im laying on my bedroom floor listening to this and thinking through the things i will get done today.

-call Financial Aid

[ because making sure i have financial clearance for the fall semester is pretty important ]

-GAP

[ because im currently addicted. but dont worry its just a return, or maybe an exchange if im feeling fancy ]

-make a trip to shevlin to collect rocks

[ because i fell in love with shevlin park and want something other than mosquito bites as my souvenir ]

-get flight details

[ because i fly home in 9 days ]

-write BOTH congo stories

[ because its almost august and mission kids will need a new child profile ]

-go through my bookmarks menu

[ because i have way to many random things saved there]

-maybe a skype date with this guy

[ because its been a few days ]

also..

i cant decide if nine days feels like too short of a time or if it feels like forever.

on my heart.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 139:23-24

my mind and my heart are full. the reality is, i have a lot to process through and with that comes the tendency to become anxious. i trust my God, and these next two weeks are going to require intentional time of being still & getting on my knees to pray.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."

Galatians 6:9-10

verse 9 has been something i've meditated on and kept close to my heart since last fall. it was encouragement and motivation through a time where i felt overwhelmed and weary. even though this season im in now is entirely different, i can still find rest in the promise of this scripture. these last two weeks of my internship i am choosing to really dig into verse 10. i am surrounded by incredible people who belong to the family of believers and with my big summer project done, what an awesome opportunity i have to put this into action.

also...

this is what i got to do on 'option day'

sparks lake. bend, oregon.